thinker's page

Gazebo

2011-12-23T11:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted anything on blogger since last December 15th, more then a year. Writing certainly needs courage and passion in proper proportion. Even today I have nothing to blog except the recent picture of 'Gazebo' farm-house picnic & my favorite Hyundai I-10.And of course a picture of delicious Indian dishes prepared by my wife.

Flowers from the road.

2010-12-14T10:53:00.000-08:00

Wedding season is at full swing in India.Despite of the excessive winterly cold this year people are busy in dancing and singing on the road at 'Barrat' processions. Three days back my wife and I were on the walk,early in the morning. The car with a wedding decoration of flowers passed by us in full speed,rushing to reach timely at groom's house.We stopped to give a way and started again after few seconds. All of a sudden wife cheerfully ran ahead of me and picked up a bunch of flowers lying on the road. Probably they were not properly sticked to the car roof and had fallen from the top. Wife was willing to take them at home. Even though there was no one watching us on that deserted road ,I felt little embarrassed by her gesture.

"Darling, what are you doing?Just leave them on the road. Shouldn't it look funny to walk on a road this early in the morning with a boo-key in hand? And we are not even properly dressed to be considered as a invitee on the wedding." I said.

"But these are beautiful banglore flowers,can't you see that?" She was inhaling the fragrance.

"Darling,we will purchase some from the 'florista' if you like." I was imagining a scene of us wearing tracksuit with flowers in hand.

"And leave these beauty on the road to be crushed under tires," she was not in a mood to give-up.

"OK then put them by the road side." I gave a substitute.

" For cows and buffaloes?" Now she was getting furious.

" But how ridiculous it is to pick the flowers lying on the road?"

"For me they are like abandoned children of nature. Would you prefer to neglect a child abandoned on the road?"

I didn't answer. We walked flowers on the road with us.

Back home, she put them in a glass-pot and stood against me in a winning pose. I visualized babies in her hands instead of flowers in a pot.

They remained fresh for three days. Every time she poured fresh water in the pot,I recollect the days of my daughter's nursing by her. Can flowers become a children to some one. Yes, in my wife's case,as she loves flowers and trees and grass and birds and all those things which you would not like to abandoned on the road to perish. Now I love my wife little more,and flowers too, irrespective of purchased or abandoned.

How two fishes were transformed in 'Lord Ganesha!'

2010-10-24T03:36:00.000-07:00

What would be your reaction if I tell you that every living or non living things in this world have a soul? Even rock, wood, air or water has a soul in its own form. You can realize it if you will try to evaluate it in a way other then traditional one. Further,nothing in this world can be destroyed, as in every condition it remains here in different form. It may transfer in to the different mode but will never be vanished completely. Similar thing is told in‘Bhagavat Geeta' by lord Krishna. Do you ever think how is it possible? Understanding this is as difficult as understanding God's existence or a complex theory of philosophy.But at the same time it is as simple as walking on the grass. If you use your brain routinely, calculate every thing by applying all possible laws of science,than obviously it will look complicated. But if you can put your ‘mini Einstein' brain at the rest for a while and try to read the laws of nature spread before you, written by unknown hands, you will certainly understand it. For sating an example I will tell you the story about ‘how two fishes were transformed in to lord Ganesha.'

I have a small aquarium in my house and am a fan of fishes in vegetarian way. I love to observe them swimming leisurely or chasing each other in aquarium. My aquarium has some different verities of fishes. Last month I noticed that two of them grew very big compare to the size of my aquarium. One was ‘Albino shark' and another ‘Golden kooie'. They became so fat and strong by eating all the pallets I fed them thrice a day, keeping other smaller fishes almost starved. At night while chasing each other they hit the glass of aquarium with their tails which makes horrible noise and disturbs my sleep. I feared that some day they will break the glass tank. So I decided to get rid of those two even though I liked them too much.

I asked my fish provider to take them back in exchange of smaller ones, and he agreed. One Sunday morning I put both of them into plastic bag filled with water and went to fish shop. Fish shop owner,being a religious Christian went to the church for Sunday mass and shop was closed. I was not ready to put them back in the aquarium as it is very tedious job to remove them from tank and putting in to plastic bag. Further I didn't want to heart them considering the fact that if you make fishes panicked, they become ill and may die. So as a second option I decided to free them in the water canal made for irrigation purpose little far from my house. I went there and asked for security person's permission to throw them in to the canal from the bridge. Security person,being a ‘God fearing' Hindu was hesitating for fish may die due to trauma caused by falling from height. He feared that he would be punished by lord for his sin. He asked me to go downstairs with him up to the water level and free them there. So I went downstairs with him with plastic bag in my hand. Fishes looked calm in the bag,confused by what was going on. We reached and he carefully put two fishes in to the water. They swam calmly on the surface for some time, judging the place and depth,then vanished below the water shrubs. I was happy that I had provided a proper and natural environment to them as my aquarium was very small for their sizes.

As I was leaving after thanking security man, I saw a carved idol of 'Lord Ganesha' at the bridge side, near the security cabin. I inquired with the security man and he told me that some person tried to throw it in the water from the bridge and he stopped that person for doing so, as it is restricted by law to throw such things in canal. That person went away abandoning the idol on the bridge. I went closer and had a look. It was a great carving on a gray marble stone.It was damaged from some places but most parts were intact. I suddenly understood the reason behind abandoning the idol. In Hindu religion there is a belief that it is not good to have a broken idol of god in house or a temple. No body worships broken idol. Particular Idol was damaged some how,so that unknown person left it there. That was very beautifully carved ‘panchamukhi [five faces] Ganesha' I had ever seen. Seeing my interest,security man offered me to take it with me if I wish. I liked the idol but was little bit confused.I thought for a while and then my mind answered me that ‘any thing in this world can never be destroyed or vanished' is the message of Geeta. So why should I bother for some missing parts of idol? I can not abandon the idol of God who created this world on the road just because it is minutely damaged at some places. So I choose a ride for 'Ganeshji' on my Suzuki. Security man put it on the petrol tank of bike very carefully. I reached home balancing 'Ganeshji' on the petrol tank, driving slowly in second gear. Chowkidar of my apartment helped me to unload it from the bike. He escorted ganeshji to my house on the third floor while gasping and breathing heavily. He was wondering how I carried this heavy idol on my bike's petrol tank without any support.

I cleaned the idol under the running water tap, dried it and put it on weighing scale.To my surprised It weighted 24 kg. I placed it next to to the aquarium in my drawing room.

I felt tired and rested on the sofa, just opposite the aquarium. Remaining small fishes were swimming at ease as they have now more space to live. Glass tank looked little vacant as two big tenants had left for the bigger place.But that was a sad scene. I felt a pang in my heart and suddenly I realized that how I missed that two,big,fat fishes.

Thoughtfully,I noticed the changes in my drawing room from sofa.

It was same, familiar,comfortable,cozy drawing room of my house as before,saved two fishes were missing from aquarium,and next to it was 'Ganeshji' in form of 24 kg marble stone, smiling at me. Soon it had been cleared to my awakened mind that 'two fishes I freed in the water canal had been transformed in to lord Ganesha' as far as my drawing room is concerned. Like my child hood transformed in to the youth and my genes transformed in to my beautiful daughter. Like my father's body transformed in to the ashes and some day I too will be transformed in to something more useful to the world,that dear God will decide. I smiled at Ganesha. That was a smile of thanks for giving the wisdom.

* * * * *

Cheerful faces.

2010-09-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

I went to drop my daughter at her college. That was the first day of the college and I wanted to know about the college and meet people over there. College was good, one of the best in state for information and technology engineering. I was filled with proud thinking ‘what a progress India is heading towards?’

We left the main building to go back when my proud shattered in million pieces. There in the shadow of Neem tree sat two poor children. Their parents were working on road construction of the college campus. I walked slowly passing them to have a look on their faces. Daughter behind me realized my discomfort as usual. She stopped at them and I also walked back. We didn’t ask anything as there was nothing to ask to those poor children. We just looked at their faces for long time. They wore a fountain of joy and happiness on their mud covered faces. No worry for next day or a next hour if that matters. What could be the reason for their poor but joyous faces? Nobody in that college or in surrounding was that much joyful, including us. We all have our loads of imaginary worries on our faces but they have their pure acceptance of their being as it is. That was the difference. The difference that matters if one wants to live a cheerful life as it is.

They smiled at us when we were leaving. Their smile was genuine and unconditional; daughter looked at me in an understanding way, first lesion of her first day college life, hidden and clear at the same time.

Lucky Girl

2010-06-20T12:21:00.000-07:00

She is looking at the computer screen for her possible enrollment in far located, second grade engineering college. In between she receives calls from her friends.She learns that they will get admission in so and so best collages of the city. This makes situation worst for her, as merely 'first grade' would not be enough to achieve her goal. She looks at me with pain-filled eyes and sorrow-filled heart.

“I could do better dad, what you think?”

“You have already done good doll, I am happy, and you will get admission.”

“But not in 'Nirma', or 'Vishwa karma', where I can go on my scooty, and where good students are studying?”

“All colleges are same, more or less; and you know that. I am not from the best medical college.”

“But it counts.”

“If you want to.”

“I am not lucky.”

“You are dear.”

“Do you know dad, the first ranker of my school is a 'duffer', he was failed in all his school exams, but had rankers sitting around his seat in exam hall, and he copied from them. Now his name will be shining on school-board forever.”

“You can not compare your self with him, you were the best student of physics and maths in your class.”

“Ya,best student! Who has to travel 100 km daily to study in some second grade collage.”

I remain silent, she has a point.

“Even 'Mitali' will get admission in Nirma”, she says.

“She is from back-ward class, they have reservations.”

“I have neither”

“We are Brahmins, with best culture and heritage,”

“Culture which never helps.”

I remain silent, she has a point.

“And you know dad that scoundrel 'Sudi' will get 'Vishwa karma'- IT?”

“His father is a millionaire,so they can afford capitation fees, and they have political influences too”, I reply.

“I have neither of that two, see how unlucky I am?”

I don’t remain silent, I have points.

I gaze direct to his pale eyes.

“You are lucky,for you have passed, many students are failed”, I say. She is looking at the floor.

“And you are lucky, for your father can afford your education fees, many's can not.”

“You are lucky, that our forefathers were not humiliated, discriminated and considered as untouchables in their time.”

“You are lucky, that God gives you beauty with the brain, honest soul, good parents and life with reputation.”

“Do you know,many students from reserve category ends-up as drop-out cases?”

“Do you know Sudi’s father was ones arrested for criminal offence?”

“Do you know,people stand-up to give honor when your father enters in the clinic?”

“You are lucky,for your father’s mom at 76, and your mom’s fathers at 84 are alive to bless you?”

“You are lucky, for some good people from Ireland, Brazil and Beverly hills have blessed and wished you for your exam. One good soul had lighted three candles for us at cathedral in San-Fransisco.Do you count it as luck?”

“You are lucky,that you are not born in religiously facist country.”

“You are lucky, that your voice can be heard in our country and in our society.”

“You are lucky,that God gives you superb voice and talent to dance, so that you can sing and dance to celebrate.”

“You are lucky,that your father has been survived from critical by-pass surgery, to live with you, so you can have a good education and best caring.”

She rises from the chair to hug me.Her eyes gets moist and I can notice wisdom induced love on her face.

That evening my daughter got 42"wall T.V as a gift from me,not for getting first grade in exam, but for getting 'first grade wisdom.'

The regret.

2010-03-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

She came to my clinic with her three children; two of them were ill and she too. While I was preparing medicine for them, three children made chaos in the clinic. One had opened the lower cabinet under the table and pulled out some stationery, second was busy in climbing to the shield glass window, third smallest one was shouting in some slum language. I was getting irritated, against my nature of being calm in such situation. All three seemed real pain in the neck. Mother was feeling embarrassing. She was weak and coughing heavily. I asked her, how she was managing with these kinds of three children at home. She didn’t give answer, instead tried to control the trio, unsuccessfully. And top of these she didn’t have enough money to pay my fees. I became upset and irritatingly told her,

“Do you know what the real problem with you is? You have more then you can handle”, I was referring about her children.

She didn’t answer.

I was thinking for a small lecture on ‘self imposed poverty.’

She was avoiding the eye contact, by looking at the floor.

She paid half of my fees, and promised another half, next day.

Before leaving she paused at the door and told,

“My husband has a good job; he left us for no reason. I am living with my old aged parents, working as a house maid to three places. Three pregnancies were never my choice, but imposed on me by my husband, and now he is not taking care of us. My old parents are not capable to look after my children, so they became mischievous.”

She leaved, snatching the hand of smallest one, who was hanging at the doorknob.

I thought.

She was not the prime,responsible person for their poor situation.

Real culprit was her flee-away husband.

Suddenly I felt regret on my comment .

The regret, powerless to heal the sour feeling, I had just given to her.

27th anniversary of happiness.

2010-02-10T13:09:00.000-08:00

Our marriage life completes its 27 years today and enters in to 28th. It had been a long journey involving joy, happiness, frustration, illness, misery, struggle and many more. What matters is we survived with our love for each other. We certainly call ourselves happy, if happiness is considered internal one and not much of a superficial or materialistic.

We are happy, for we still are longing for each other and can not live separately even for few days.

We are happy, for still we care for feelings of each others

We are happy, for still I remember to put some extra money and mobile in her purse when she goes out alone, two things she never cares for.

We are happy, for still she brings back both the things unused, on return.

We are happy, for still we like the same program on TV at a time.

We are happy, for still she cooks recipes which I like most.

We are happy, for I never disclose to her, the recipes I don’t like at all.

We are happy, for our political ideas, favorite actors, favorite singers, God to worship, are same.

We are happy for our physician is a same person, who prescribes the similar beta-blocker for our hypertension, so that we can share it from the same stripe.

We are happy for our choice of toothpaste, soap, perfume, cookies, color of bed sheet or a drawing room wall never differs.

We are happy, for she never complains for my late night interneting, and I for her late night snoring.

We are happy, for we love our daughter at the same level and are equally loved by her.

We are happy if these are the parameters of happiness.

Ought to stop.

2010-01-26T20:39:00.000-08:00

Ought to stop now.

Come so far from started.

Houses of town look minuscule,

Reminding the landscape, I sketched.

Way ahead is tough.

Thorns and stones on the walk.

And I hardly know my destination,

For the trip has no reason in particular.

Ought to stop now,

To re turn,

To re think,

To re gain courage,

For another travel.

The travel, more prevailing for the rough roads,

And tough decisions.

That can crush thorns,

And thrust stones.

Meanwhile,

Ought to stop.

flowers in patio

2010-01-24T11:21:00.000-08:00

My house patio is blooming with flowers. I planted some seasonal plants in pots and this year they are growing like anything. In the morning, visiting patio with tea cup in hand gives immense pleasure, gratitude towards nature. Sun rises from east, touches to flowers and then enters in my drawing room with its warm rays, giving comfortable sense in winter. Last faze of winter is stared and plants and tropical trees are shining with bloomed flowers. Couldn’t help sharing with you, friends.

Grand father and grand mother.

2009-11-24T12:23:00.000-08:00

He was a strong villager of his time, my grand father.He knew farming,horse riding, shooting, cattle keeping and many more. His second son is my father. I remember how I liked his thick,shining,white mustache and 24 feet long white cloth's turban. He had proud for his mustache, sign of a real man.Once, he even made me promised him that I will never clean shave my mustache, the promise that I have kept on until today.

And she was a lady with will power, my grand mother. She could grind 10 kg wheat on manual stone mill all alone in the morning. I remember her doing manual hard work for the whole day to run a large family and cooking for at least twenty people daily when we were on school vacation trip to our native village. I can still feel the wetness of kisses by her on my chick.

I am still having 'king Edward's coin' given by her with me, as a souvenir of her love.

Beggars.

2009-11-18T01:21:00.000-08:00

I stop my Suzuki at cross roads.She rushes to rear window with hope.Little child, partially dozed with drugs is with her.Her eyes searches interiors of car.My daughter looks at cute and rather healthy child in her hands.She fumbles for some coins in her purse,give her some and closes the glass.She leaves the window to reach the car behind.Light is still red.Big hoardings of proposed flyover looks dull through front glass.Finance minister is declaring would be double digit growth rate in 2010.I see in rear view glass. Beggar's child opens his sedated eyes for a while only to close it again. Light turns green.I slowly push an accelerator. My eyes are on rear view mirror.She runs to divider side railing holding coins in her hands.Child goes to sleep again.My country, my society, my city and my people are also sleeping and he is still shouting on radio about his government's achievements of 100 days.

Discrimination towards women.

2009-11-10T10:33:00.000-08:00

Discrimination towards women exists since long in human history. Whether it be a prehistoric, Babylonian, Shakespearean or an old Hindu mythological age. History is fully loaded with stories where women were denied justice just because they were females.Nowadays one more trend has started to load responsibility on women's shoulder for their own wretchedness, especially in physical or sexual abuse cases. I had a discussion with one of my friend who was advocating against women for working in porn films. He was arguing that what is stopping females for not participating in porn films. I told him that most porn materials are being watched by males and it is a men’s necessity. This is men’s world even after thousands of years and men have expertise themselves to get what they want by any means.

I remember a scene from Jennifer Lopez’s film ‘BORDERTOWN’ in which, a portrayed female prostitute was dancing in few cloths with a man in night club. I can't say if it was due to lack of directors intelligence or a female actor’s bad performance [or a real performance as I understood] but one can clearly notice that she was not enjoying what she was doing.
How can you blame a woman who was trapped,forced and had left no choice?

love

2009-11-05T20:43:00.000-08:00

Love is a strong desire, human being always strives for. It is about caring, liking and honoring someone without expecting anything in return. But love can not solve your problems; some times it creates many. And it is also a sad part of it. Love cannot be a remedy for any illness. I don’t believe in ‘love can make a bridge’ theory. True love is capable for only and only one thing and that is “to love”.
I don’t think one person can truly love two or more persons at a time, and if situation looks like so, be sure that both of the affairs are fake. How can you say two persons at a time that ‘you are my sweet heart'?

Silence

2009-10-26T02:39:00.000-07:00

This is a silent night of October's newly winter days. Silence every where, in streets, on roads, in patio of houses, in lonely garden, in sky, in air and in my mind too.Dipawali has just passed, pushing new year forward,leaving nostalgic memories of fun time. I am in the balcony of my apartment,standing, seeing hotels colorful lights,which are blinking in multi colors.No sign of noise from anywhere except, light murmur of water, running slowly by aquarium pump in my drawing room.